i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
