You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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