They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
