oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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