There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
