why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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