he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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