My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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