if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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