did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
