we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
