So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I use my feet as sexual weapons
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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