Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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