so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
