It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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