i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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