I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
