Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
