If i come over, it means nothing
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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