looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
