awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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