Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
