Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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