How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
