god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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