So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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