I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
