My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The struggles of a small town man whore
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
