I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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