carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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