While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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