the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
