i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
