Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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