I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
