I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
