Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
