I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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