You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
