Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
