Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
