At least make sure they are 18
Why
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
either way he was missing a nipple.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
