I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
