I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize