Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
