my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
