I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
