i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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