she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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