how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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