He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
