im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
