It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
