im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
