my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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