it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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