I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
