he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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