I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
