Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
