He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
