I hate your face
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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