My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
