When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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