remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
