Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
