I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
