I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
