i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
