I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
