I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
