I wish I could punch you in the face.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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