You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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