His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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